This May Be My Last Post....Ever

I am disgusted and furious.

Not about the election, the people have spoken and what will be will be (whatever my personal views), but about my health. It might be easier just to end it all now because it's continuing to get drawn out, month after month after month after month after month.....I just want it to end.

The surgery on October 28 was a miserable failure. The doc was (again) unable to "get to the stone to remove it", so now I still have the 2cm stone in me and as an added bonus the nephrostomy tube is larger because that was done on the 26th to make it easier for the doc on the 27th to get to the stone (a lot of good it did me). So now the pain is worse and to top it all off the nephrostomy is a permanent drain bag, meaning I can't unhook the bag to wear clothes or be comfortable (at least as comfortable as one can be with a tube sticking out of your kidney).

So my doc recommends calling another doc, this time down at Jefferson University Hospital. This guy's supposedly "The Best" and does lecture tours talking about just my sort of problem. So I think "Great, with my luck this guy will be on a lecture and it'll be weeks until I can see him", so I call Jefferson on Monday (they freed me from the hospital on Friday since there was nothing else they could do for me there) and I get his office, as it turns out he is on a lecture tour overseas!!!!

Figures.

Now since he only sees patients on Tuesdays & Thursdays (what the hell is it with doctors only seeing patients or doing surgeries 2 days a week, this is why I and other patients have to wait weeks just to see anyone, let alone get our ailments treated!!!), so the first date available for a consultation (meaning it'll be more weeks after this that a surgery is scheduled, if he decides to do the job himself) is December 7, more than 4 weeks from now.

I'm in severe daily pain and am on pain killers all day every day, I can't go out (hurts even more and ruins the rest of the day) and the pain meds make me moody and sleepy, so I am doing nothing but crying and sleeping every single day......how the hell is this called Quality Of Life??? It's not.

I haven't had any "quality" in my life since my best friend and roommate died 10 months ago, and that was because he distractred me from the misery that is my life since 1996. Now....well, I just can't see any purpose to sticking around to go through at least another 2 months of this shit. how much is one person supposed to endure? It'll be easier on everyone if it just ended....one way or the other, and right now the other is not looking too bad an option.

Who knows if there will be any further posts.....

RobMac