So it's been 2015 for more than 3 months (3.5 really) and while not much has changed as far as the kidney stones are concerned (I still have them regularly) and recently things have started acting up in Life again.
I sold my old car (a 1998 Mercury Grand Marquis GS) and only got $220.49 for it from WeBuyAnyCar.com. It was initially estimated to be worth $905.00 online (in good, running condition) but the lack of use during this extremely cold winter seems to have had a horrible effect on it. When I went to get it to bring to WeBuyAnyCar's office, it smoked and rattled like it never has. All of a sudden it's a total piece of shit. I could never get rid of it in a private sale now, so I was kind of stuck with accepting the $220 just to avoid any headache of haggling with people over it privately.
Now that it's gone I'm driving my father's car (a 2006 Mercury Grand Marquis LS) and it's much nicer and has - well had - no problems. Recently the driver's side lock won't always pop up. It gets stuck and sometimes I have to press the fob several times with it coming up a fraction each push until it's up far enough to open the door. I can use the key just fine.
Annoyance but not a real "problem."
A few days ago the passenger side lock no longer works. When I press the fob or the inside button to unlock all doors the passenger door buzzes but won't disengage. Frustrating now because there's no keyhole on the passenger side (!WTF!) so I have to get in, lean over and pull the inside handle to open the door for my mother (who's always a passenger now since I'm living at home and don't go anywhere for myself, just driving her around where ever she wants to go.)
Yesterday, the check engine light came on.
The check engine light (and the battery light) were my bane in the old car.
I was happy to leave those headaches behind.
Now, they're back (at least one is, and now it brought door-glitch friends to play.)
So I'm again on edge driving wondering what the fuck is wrong with this car and how much will it cost to fix?
I haven't sold my condo yet (been to cold to do anything - pack, empty, clean, prep for sale, etc.) so I have no spare money for car repairs.
A few weeks ago I had a CT Scan (because the kidney stones were bad again and my doc decided I should no longer maintain pain control with Percocet. He cut me off.) and my urologist said it showed Portal Hypertension and I should go see a G.I. doctor.
So today I had an appointment with one and she's pretty sure (from my medical history) that I probably have Cirrhosis of the Liver.
So on top of 20 years of Crohn's/Colitis, chronic kidney stones for the past 13 years, too many surgeries to count (everything from Gall Bladder removal, hernias, colon removal (which too 5 major surgeries in total to complete), any surgery related to kidney stone breakup/removal known to mankind, etc.)
So now: Cirrhosis of the Liver is a distinct possibility with who knows what to follow.
I am so fucking depressed it's not even funny.
I have zero joy in my life any more (not that I had much to begin with) but when I think Life is beginning to let me be - it shoves it's balls in my face again.
I am so sick & tired of being sick & tired ALL THE TIME.
I can't control my pain.
There's no help for me.
I just have to "deal with it."
But here's the thing: I can't.
I've been beaten down by Life for two decades now and I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Something's gotta give.
