Kidney stone pains for three days, migraine for two of those days, nausea, insomnia, loneliness & severe depression all conspire to make me wish I was dead.
I really do want to die.
Who would care?
I have no friends.
I have no Life.
I can barely see straight due to the intense, unending, and debilitating pain.
No pain meds. Nothing would work anyway. I am immune to Percocet, not that I have any anyway, and there's no point in trying to get any.
The only person I talk to is my mother.
My dad & I talk once in a while, not every day.
I haven't talked to my sister for almost a month. We're not mad or anything, she's just busy, living her life, teaching, being a wife and mother to 3 small children. She's busy. I don't call her, and she doesn't call me.
It's just the way it is.
I have no one else I talk to, aside from an occasional email from people I used to see regularly, but now don't because I am a shut in and they live too far to see often.
I have no one.
Do you have ANY idea what that's like?
Of course not. You have friends. You have a Life.
You have pain-free days. You are normal.
Chronic pain (13 years now and counting), chronic depression because of the pain, chronic mental exhaustion from being depressed and in pain - all you want is an end.
Fate is not so kind to me.
My suffering will endure forever because ending it would be too kind.
I hate myself.
I hate everyone else for going on while I can't.
I hate hating everyone and everything.
I hate Life.
I want to die.
Please...
