Well, it's been a while, but worry not; nothing has changed in my life.
I turned 39 recently. (I won't make it to forty, I fear)
First, my tribulations continue, so this blog is appropriately titled.
Second, my kidney stones continue unabated.
I had a Percutaneous Lithotripsy on March 16 to remove one of my two kidney stones (the left one.)
It was a success and I felt great (for the first time in a long time), that is until June 13 when the kidney stone in my right kidney decided it didn't appreciate being ignored.
I wound up going back into the hospital (through the E.R.) due to severe pains in my right kidney. I was in the hospital until June 17.
While in there, I had a reaction to the Dilaudid (Morphine) the first night and had 12 people show up in my room with all kinds of machines that went "beep". They were in there, hovering over me for about an hour. I had some sort of "tunnel hearing" where everything sounded like a muffled buzz except where I was looking, which was somewhat clearer but still muffled. They took blood samples, hooked me up to oxygen...they gave me a shot of something to counter-act the Dilaudid, which brought back the pain, but 3 times worse.
After that excitement, I had a surgical procedure that put a stent in my right ureter on the 14th. With my new stent, the doc tried a Lithotripsy procedure on the 16th (in which he got 2 stone fragments), but the larger piece remained lodged in my right kidney.
I had an Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy (ESWL) procedure last Monday (July 6), and I have another "exploratory" Lithotripsy tomorrow where the doc will go back in and check to see how effective the ESWL was. If the stone is gone (or sufficiently broken up) he will remove my stent, but if the stone remains (which my previous luck & experience tells me it is) then the stent will have to stay in (though he may take this one out and install a new one) until my kidney specialist downtown can get to it.
I had a follow-up scheduled already with my Center City kidney specialist for July 14, but with this new surgery I had to postpone it, and of course the very next available date (for just the consultation!) is September 8.
So if the stone is there and my stent remains, I'll have the damned things in me until sometime late-September or October (since the consultation will decide when to schedule a surgery, and my doc being as in-demand as he is, will most likely be weeks after September 8.)
So, to sum up: I continue my misery, with 2 surgeries within 8 days of each other, a future of a very painful, non-moving kidney stone and a foreign object (the stent) lodged in my ureter, making Life even more unbearable that usual.
How the fuck is someone supposed to bear all of this??
How can a person live?? I'm not living, I'm just not dead; there's a BIG difference.
I am tired of 14+ years of chronic pain, depending on pain medications just to fucking get out of bed in the morning, let alone do normal things around an empty house.
I don't know how much longer I can bear this bullshit.
Fuck God - oh, wait, there isn't one, so never mind.
Fuck the Universe or Fate or the Great Spaghetti Monster or whatever controlling factor there is "out there."
Hopefully, tomorrow's procedure will go horribly wrong and that'll be that.
It would be sweet relief for me.
RobMac
