I'm awake :(
I took Trazodone [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trazodone] last night around 10pm hoping for another good night of sleep. It helped last night and this morning I felt pretty good (aside from the kidney stone pains, but the Perc helped with that) and the Valium kept me calm most of the day. Then I started to realize what was coming.
Finding out mom is doing so well (makes me happy) and hearing that she could possibly be released this weekend made me start to focus on what needs to be done.
Last night I started to crack (even on the Valium.)
Last night I didn't sleep so well (even on the Trazodone.)
I woke up at 3:30am. I was woken up by kidney stone pains, but then my mind woke up too.
I tried to go back to sleep.
My mind kept running through checklists of how to clear out the upper floor of mom's house, what to bring from my condo, what am I going to do with my cats (will they get along with Ami? will Ami get along with them? will my sister be able to absorb 2 more cats? will the 2 new cats get along with her cat Nina? what if one (or both) don't et along with her? I don't want to put them in shelters.
I've had them both since they were kittens - and when Saquarra was born, Michael & I visited her daily from her being 2 weeks old until we took her home around 8 weeks old. We bonded. I could (and often did while visiting) hold her in the palm of my hand. While she was Michael's cat, she's sort of always been mine. When we were able to take her home she stayed at my old Racquet Club apartment until Michael moved out of his house after his mother died. So we bonded (Saquarra, me & Moon.)
Saquarra & Moon were like sisters. If I say the name Moon now Saquarra will look at me and meow. It's not your normal "I'm hungry!" meow, it's a "where is she?" meow. When I sit in a chair she's immediately on my lap.
When I lay down in bed she's immediately curling up in the crook of my arm. If I stand close to a counter or chair she will jump up on my shoulder.
She will sit on my shoulder for a long time as I walk around doing chores.
I have to remove her myself 90% of the time, she rarely gets tired on her own and jumps off. She's my buddy.
Fleur has also recently become more of a lap cat too.
She was always the baby, and with Moon's strong personality and Saquarra being the "middle child", Fleur was always content to just be on her own (kind of like me.) After Moon died, she's slowly come out of her shell and now she also will inevitably make her way onto my lap or lay on my chest at night in bed.
I'm so used to two cats now always hanging with me when I'm home that I cannot bear the thought of possibly having to give them away to a shelter.
They're both pure breeds, but they're older now.
Older cats usually don't get adopted.
If my sister is able to integrate them with Nine, three cats is a handful.
I'm sure they'll get all the love they can handle if they go with her, but I am asking the Universe to please, at least, give me a little bit of a break and let Ami adapt well to two new play pals.
Ami is a sweetheart, but she's big and while I know she'd never intentionally hurt the cats, her size & strength could unintentionally hurt them if she's too excited while playing. She's quite excitable but she does calm down quickly now.
They have all met before. Dad brought Ami to my condo to visit twice.
Both times (while Moon was alive) both Saquarra & Fleur didn't want to deal with Ami, but Moon stood her ground. I was quite impressed.
Ami would put her front down and her butt up (in the standard dog "Let's Play!" position) and bark, but Moon would stand about a foot away, standing strong making it clear that his was HER domain and she wasnt ready for Ami to start any of her shit.
The two cats haven't really spent any time with Ami, they would go into other rooms and wait for the intruder to leave.
I am hoping that with some time together they can become great pet pals.
When I move to mom's I am going to cancel my Comcast at my condo (since I'll practically never be there until I eventually find the time to empty it and sell it) and get Verizon service at moms.
Mom has Verizon phone service right now, but it's the most basic service you can get and she still uses a prepaid calling card to make calls outside of Pennsylvania. I am going to cancel her Comcast cable service (also bare bones) and bundle the Verizon phone, cable and for the first time in history the McCartney Trellis house will have internet service.
I did a little research last night (and a flyer came in the mail last week that I held on to - for mom originally - that is a pretty good deal, better than their normal offerings) and even with super cable service and good, fast internet speeds, it will still be about $100 ~ $75 cheaper than what I've been paying for Comcast.
I will cover all of that myself at moms house. I can easily absorb that.
Mom will have Call Waiting for the first time, which is an absolute necessity especially since we both now have health issues.
I guess I'll need to get a storage shed. I have a lot of shit I've accumulated during my bachelor life. Some toys & crap will go to my nephews & niece (one nephew even asked me for my 60" HDTV last night!) but there's lots of stuff I'm not ready to give away just yet. I may not need them in my new home, but I don't want to get rid of some stuff and I'm not ready to let some stuff be destroyed by children either.
(Children destroy stuff, it's just their nature, I don't blame them.)
I'm like the 40 year old virgin (except that I'm a 44 year old virgin) with all my toys & collectibles, but since I will most likely never have to worry about getting a girlfriend I don't care what other people think of that.
I don't play with the toys, but I like looking at them. Some have been long time hunts that I finally found or just something that reminds me of a movie which reminds me of a certain time in my life. I am a child. I hope to always remain a little bit of a child. I now have to grow up more, but I can't just let that inner child go either. Very little gives me joy and I'm not ready to throw out the things that give me even a little joy.
Video game/relax time will be severely reduced.
I will have to give up being a Manny (hopefully not permanently, but that might be a potential reality.) I love my Manny job. When my mortgage stops and whatever profit I make on the sale of the condo along with my disability annuity, I should be okay as far as money is concerned, but I will absolutely miss the daily interaction with my nephews & niece.
They keep me on my toes and have been a great source of distraction from the kidney stone pains. They can be frustrating at times (because they're children and that's what children do) but I always left there smiling about whatever went down that day.
I'm sure I'll still see them often. I have a feeling they'll be visiting Mom Mom often (and me at the same time by default.)
I am not sure there will be enough hours in the day to do what needs to be done.
Already today's To Do checklist is pretty full.
And Monday I see my urologist to discuss many things.
If the CT Scan I had on Wednesday shows something bad...I don't want to have to have another KS procedure. I can't be hospitalized.
I live with that fear every day and now I not only have myself to worry about but I have to keep a close eye on mom in case of any of her own medical concerns.
We'll need to have the downstairs bathroom refurbished (she can't get into/out of the tub for baths, so we'll need to convert it to a shower.)
We have a family friend who can do the work.
These are but a few of the things that are running through my mind.
How's THAT for an update?!?!
