It began Saturday, June 14, 2014 around 4pm.
The pain returns. More kidney stone(s).
So I fight it, hoping the pain will pass but it doesn't, as usual it just grows and grows until I have to admit to myself that I'm too much of a wimp to handle it any more.
I call my folks to ask for the usual ride to the E.R.
Dad picks me up and we get to the E.R. at St. Mary Medical Center around 8pm (I'll just round up/down to keep it simple) and after waiting in the waiting room for an hour I am called back to triage then eventually moved to a gurney in the hallway of the overflowing E.R.
I don't care, I want pain control and then I want to be set free, I don't care if I'm not in a room.
In fact, I thought it might help if I remain in everyone's full view (sometimes they forget us in the rooms - "out of sight, out of mind".)
Eventually they hook up an IV, take some blood for tests, I give a little sample of urine, they swab me for MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) [http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/understanding-mrsa-methicillin-resistant-staphylococcus-aureus], then there's more waiting.
Eventually they come an give me some Zofran (for nausea) & Dilaudid (for pain) and it eventually starts working and I start feeling better.
Finally, around 1:00am (Sunday morning) they release me back into the wild with a small prescription for Percocet (enough to last almost 2 whole days!)
So on Monday, June 18, 2014 I call my urologist and get a bigger prescription for Percocet (higher does, which actually works and more pills to last longer - until this stone is out - hopefully!)
All seems okay Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Then, Wednesday, June 20, 2014 in the afternoon, I pass a rather large stone - POP!
I feel a little better but then there's another feeling of another stone about to come and it just stops!
It feels stuck!
Now, I start to get a little graphic (because I sort of have to for you to understand):
I can't pee any more (I just used it all getting the first stone out!) so I drink and drink and drink.
I need pressure - water, after going through you, gives some nice hydraulic pressure!
But after I do my afternoon chores (which were a bit uncomfortable, but not necessarily painful) I come home and drink more.
By 6:00pm I am getting concerned that I haven't passed a single drop of urine in 4 hours.
My back is starting to hurt again.
By 8:00pm I am in agony. I really feel like I have to pee out the Atlantic Ocean but can't get any movement at all! I still feel stuck, but the kidneys (especially the right one) feel like they're "floating."
I've had this sensation before, about 9 years ago - I wound up in ICU for a few days with kidneys that shut down with sepsis!
So I call for another ride to the E.R.
We get there and fortunately I get right in.
AND I even get a private room!
I haven't had CT Scans recently because I've had so many over the years the hospital, me, dad & my doc are all super worried now about how much radiation I've been exposed to over the years and since we most likely know what these attacks are on most occasions, they're really not necessary.
This night is was.
Oh yeah, I forgot the "fun" part - a Foley Catheter [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foley_catheter] had to be inserted to try to "tap" me to relieve the pressure and prevent the urine from backing up into my kidneys.
They shove that son-of-a-bitch in there and - nothing. Still no urine!
So they cart me off to do a CT Scan.
The results are several kidney stones in both ureters (the tubes that run from your kidneys down into your bladder.)
They get the pain somewhat under control.
I am then diagnosed with Renal Failure.
Yup, my kidneys are shutting down. Exactly what I was afraid of.
Eventually my urologist comes and they wheel me off to the O.R. (Operating Room) around 3:00am and while I'm out he goes in and "cleans out" my left ureter (by doing a Cystoscopy) [http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/cystoscopy-16692], then he puts a stent in my left ureter, then he tries to clear out the right ureter, but he can't get far enough in (blocked), so he puts in a stent in my right ureter! I now have bi-lateral stents! I've never needed two at once before - AGONY!
I am admitted and eventually get a room around 1:00pm on Thursday, June 19, 2014.
I waited around in the post-op recovery room from the end of my surgery (around 5:00-5:30am) until 1:00pm.
At least the Foley Catheter is gone by now!
During my stay my kidney functions start returning and the Creatinine [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creatinine] levels are going down (a good thing!)
Eventually Friday night comes and my doc visits around 7pm and tells me my levels are going the right way and everything else looks good. He has the O.R. booked for Tuesday to go back in and go all the way up the right ureter to clean it out, but there's no sense in me hanging about the hospital until then, so he discharges me!
YIPPEE!!!
Luckily, my folks were visiting (they walked in the door about the same time as my doc did) so they were going to hang around to take me home.
It took THREE HOURS to actually discharge me!
They gave me a packet of (no shit) 30 pages of reports, tests they ran, follow-up instructions, prescriptions, yada yada yada.
Usually it's only 2-4 pages - today they wanted to give me (and did give me) 30 pages!
Now I know why people sit for hours in the E.R. or recovery rooms waiting for actual rooms, because it takes THREE HOURS to do all the goddamn paperwork!
I ask why it takes so long and they standard response is "There's only one, sometimes two, people doing the discharge paperwork." I say (helpfully?) "Maybe you should have more people doing it?" They tell me "Oh, no, it's not a manpower issue, we just have 1 or 2 people that do it."
(That's the very definition of "manpower issue" isn't it?!)
The nurses are doing their best, they're all amazing people who put up with not only our shit (the patients) but the bureaucratic bullshit too, that then makes them have to lie to patients. I don't fault them one bit.
I am eventually out the door by about 10:00pm.
That brings us to Tuesday, June 24, 2014.
The scheduled procedure day. My father's birthday, no less.
I still have two stents in me, no catheter, and hope to have everything cleared out of me and feeling 100% better by the time I leave Tuesday afternoon. It's supposed to be an "outpatient" procedure, so I am not expecting to stay (and that was my worst fear - HA! THAT was what I was worried about?!)
My surgery is scheduled for Noon, I have to be there by 10:30am. I am there, I get hooked up (IV, gown, fluffy hat, no-slip booties, the works!) and then I wait.
Eventually the O.R. is available around 1:00pm and I go in.
The anesthesiologist promises me "the good stuff" and before I know it I'm waking up in the recovery room around 3:30pm!
That WAS some good stuff!
I wake up to some surprises though.
I have ANOTHER Foley Catheter in me again - and this one I get to wear home!
I supposed I should be happy I'm not staying there for days, but I've never gone home with a Catheter before.
And the best part?
I get to pull it out myself three hours before a follow-up appointment on Friday!
[UPDATE: THEY HAVE NO MORE ROOM FOR AN APPOINTMENT ON FRIDAY - I AM SCHEDULED FOR Y FOLLOW-UP NOW ON MONDAY, JUNE 30, 2014 @ 2:15PM!!! SO I GET THREE EXTRA DAYS WITH A FOLEY CATHETER - YIPPEE!!! (FUCK!)]
That will be - interesting to say the least.
I also still have a stent in my left ureter.
He cleaned out the right and left the stent out, but he wanted to keep the left one in (because there's apparently still chips up in the kidney that he can't reach) and the Foley stays to make sure everything flows (which is counter-intuitive because I feel like I have to pee ALL the time, but I can't do it in the usual way, even though the sensation is so strong that I'm sure I'm going to pee out the side of the tube and all over everything.)
That hasn't happened yet.
I came home VERY depressed yesterday.
I got home around 6:00pm, and then dad had to rush home to take mom to an eye doctor follow-up visit!
What a birthday he had. I'll have to find something good to get him (I haven't really had the time or willpower to go out shopping while all this has been going on.)
I'm not feeling especially better today (Wednesday, June 25, 2014) yet either.
Waking up with a piss bag hanging off the side of your bed yanking on your ding-dong is not the type of sensation I'm used to.
Mom called and as I go into my little office to answer the phone - I step in cold cat vomit.
Perfect.
Nothing ever goes the way I expect.
Life keeps kicking me in the nuts.
I know there are no "reasons", I don't believe in them, Life is just a cruel, random series of unexplained events - it just seems like the more negative ones find me more often than the sweet, kind ones do.
This will be TMI for many people so stop reading now if you want.
Seriously, it might be too much.
So why say it? Here? Because I have to get it out.
I am always very depressed and this subject is just one source of it: my penis is a source of immense pain for me.
I get no joy from it.
It is the outward focal point of all my problems and causes nothing but pain and sadness.
I almost never masturbate because it fucking hurts. (See, TMI!)
I know this is not usual conversation stuff, and I guess that's why it bugs me so much and I felt the need to say it. No one talks about the downside of these things like this.
That's why I'm basically Asexual and have zero drive to find a girlfriend (or anyone, really.)
I guess I can't really say I'm straight, gay or whatever because I have no drive at all for anyone.
I like looking at ladies - a lot, and I have to admit that I am jealous of men who's bodies are not all fucked up like mine is (maybe that's normal) but I really have no desire one way or another for anyone because any feeling is accompanied by physical pain.
I guess I'm now the opposite of Pavlov's Dog.
I can't offer anything to anyone, and I can't even please myself, so it's better to be alone.
In a few days I'll be the one (and probably only) 44 year old virgin.
But alone can get lonely sometimes.
People take a lot of things for granted.
I am thankful for every day I wake up (no matter how hard or painful it might be) and though there have been nearly 20 years of horrific mornings/days/nights, I still hang around because every now and then I see a spark of beauty in the world and even a moment can make me happy for a day.
I hold on because there's so much to look forward to in the future - not necessarily for my own sake, I'm a lost cause I believe, but I have two older, relatively healthy parents (78 years old!), a beautiful sister with a beautiful family that I want to watch grow into beautiful adults and do something wonderful in this world. I do it for them. That's why I wake up. That's what makes it worthwhile.
If I didn't have ALL of that - I wouldn't want to wake up any more.
